The Felicity Fiasco & Other Stories of Ravnica

Guardian Project Research Log F E LIX Page 9
Session 9

Session 9

This log was (re)written in Common, Elvish, Goblin, Vedalken. Each language on a separate book, oddly each book has completely different handwriting styles along with what appears to be scrolls cover in ale stains, sheets of toilet paper with writing on it, active case files that have non-related notes on the back.

Date
I don’t agree with B’eka’s choice of friends.

B’eka came back with a bunch of friends that weren’t very nice. They demanded the box and Kazak threatened one of the mages and said he was going to die in the first 3 seconds of combat if he didn’t change course. This obviously didn’t go over well and with the advance warning the mage actually lasted almost 6 seconds, but we killed him really quick, then I killed his buddy. As we were fleeing and move away Three flying aberrations and there riders showed up, flying in from various parts of the city. There beasts cried out and it was a sound like that which I never heard before, it was like a ringing in my head that would get worse anytime I got close to one of the beasts or tried to move, I had such a bad case of the spins. I managed to work through the effect the beasts were having on me, and my Echo and I managed to kill one of the riders before taking on one of the beasts that then got blasted into oblivion. It looks like one of the Goblins likes messing with necromancy because it raised the dead beast mount back to life. It was bit messed up tho from the fight, so it moved much more slowly and couldn’t fly anymore. We looted some of the bodies but most of didn’t have anything outside of some daggers, but all 5 of them had these weird ear pieces. I put one on before we had a rest.

We took the promenade back to precinct four, its proximity to the red wastes means we ran into one of those stupid Gruul raids. A Lady lost a box in front of us and I killed two raiders. The Gruul ran off and we found out that Rauk-Chaw is a Gruul Holiday and they are raiding because of it and the huge party they plan on having. This lady named Dahlia wants us to reclaim her BOX that can apparently destroy a city block if it was mishandled or misguided. We were promised 200 gold pieces each if we recovered her box. I argued against taking our box into the red wastes to where the Gruul were to recover a second dangerous box that most likely would just blow up at the party anyways. The rest of the boys decided it was ok if we had a bag to put it in. so Dahlia offered us a bag of holding we could borrow to put our box and hers in to keep it all safe. I really really dislike this idea, but everyone more or less seems to be on board on collecting another dangerous box.

Know whats worse then the Gruul with one dangerous box? The Gruul with two. I’m glad were delivering them a second one.

-F E LIX

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Guardian Project Research Log F E LIX Page 8
Session 8

Session 8

This log was (re)written in Common, Elvish, Goblin, Vedalken. Each language on a separate scroll, oddly each scroll has completely different handwriting styles along with what appears to be ale stains.

Date
The way we see it it’s all for the greater good.

So it seems like I successfully murdered that druid wacko. I didn’t write it out the last time because I was still in custody for those trumped-up charges but on the way out the precinct, the weird angel with bound wings thanked me. The Night before when the druid was taken alive but unconscious and put back in her cell. We were locked back in ours but more of a guest then arrested until we could see the judge. I waited till the guards left (because they were gutted and had a ton of work to do) and I popped back out of the cell using my Echo. I then popped into the druid’s cell as she was still bound and unconscious, and I just plugged her nose and covered her mouth. It took forever but I had to ensure that she would stay dead outside of magic.

So yeah, that kinda happened. Nobody really asked me about it but the guards were talking about her dying at night. On the way out we were trying to decide what we would do. We sent a runner/messenger to both Ophelia from the house of pleasures pain or whatever, and one to Vasool of the locodon sagitator. Or whatever he’s from. The general suggestion is this box is a whole bunch of trouble, Vasool is said to be able to tell us how to destroy it, but Ophelia paid us to steal it back from whoever stole it from them. We’re hoping that they see how it is now, how useless and bad it is for there purposes and they are A.O.K with us destroying it for them.

On our way to meet we witnessed a bunch of Boros being attacked by a bunch of Gruul. Immediately B’eka ran in to help. I sent the Echo in to attack their berserker and I sat back with Glob who still had the box. It’s pretty convenient being able to push my weapon threw my echo to attack things while sitting back. It’s like getting involved without actually getting involved. We eventually dispatched the Gruul and carried on. The messenger came back from Vasool, who told us to pound sand. He’s interested in the artifact but wouldn’t come meet us, we decided to go see him before the meeting, let him talk to us and give him more information on the box and then make him go to the meeting to tell Ophelia. On the way there we passed by this Simic lady who was doing research, sprayed a bunch of wasps with this liquid thing that was supposed to increase pollination, instead it increased the size of the damned wasps. This time and its kinda funny, Be’ka just ran off, took a bunch of the innocents into the house. I popped my Echo in front of the Wasps to try to distract them, I ended up killing 4 of them because the stupid Researcher wouldn’t run away in time. Eventually, the other one was killed when the Azorius showed up. It seemed Glob didn’t want to leave because he wanted the spray bottle. I sprayed Kavek with it when he told us not to use it on anything. It had a one in 10 chance of working on the wasps, the chances of that side effect happening again were really small. But whatever.

We cant even go from point A to point B without getting attacked with this bloody box. Be’ka ran off and didn’t come back, I’m guessing she got all those people to safety and then lost us. Kavek and Glob went to talk to VASOOL and me and Azzinax stayed with the box at a tavern. Which is where I am right now writing this.

I miss B’eka, only because I’m probably going to get attacked in this Tavern because of that cursed box.
-F E LIX

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Guardian Project Research Log F E LIX Page 7
Session 7

Session 7

This log was (re)written in Common, Elvish, Goblin, Vedalken. Each language on a separate scroll, oddly each scroll has completely different handwriting styles.

Date
Somebody set up us the bomb.

So nobody is going to give me a badge, we just ended up loitering around the lobby for a bit while the batshit crazy druid and her posse set up for the next phase of there attacking. I was sitting on my shield when I noticed some movement go by a window, most of the action has been at the lobby aside from that one escapade at the side door, so I went to investigate. I’m not getting killed doing something stupid so I popped the echo on the other side of the door, I counted to 10 and since he wasn’t dead yet I traded places with it. I took a look around and saw 6 men carrying a box down to a side door, there was some voices from above on the roof. It looks like they had some archers set up there. I told the group about the bomb and they decided the best course of action was to retrieve it. Kavek, B’eka, Azzinax and I went out along with this giant of a Minotaur that B’eka knows. We quickly dispatched the 6 guards and we grabbed, ran and tossed the box. After letting going of the box I immediately switched places with my echo.

The poor bastard went down in the explosion but so did B’eka and Azzinax. I stood over there bodies as another group of the druids posse came charging up to kill what was left of the smoldering bomb squad, Kavek ran up dressed like that batshit crazy druid and told me to play dead, he touched my shoulder in this weird pinching motion and I just collapsed. I think I sold it way better then the last time becouse the druid’s posse ran off with the fake druid/Kavek.

I got back up and tried to help my partners. They were healed and brought in by the guards. We went to shore up the door that was damaged that was in the armory, but we accidently found the druid. I sent a random guard to go get help and I stayed and watch the druid bang her head against a door she couldn’t open from the inside. Eventually help arrived and we went to engage her. She threw up a wall of fire and tried to run. I went threw the wall of fire, and then I remember getting hit by something cold. I went down and took a nap. When I woke up we were still fighting the druid, she was cut off by other guards and B’eka and the Captain lady was fighting with us. I got back up, poped my echo and kept fighting. Eventually the druid went down, but those dumbass Azorius took her alive. This druid threatened to eat people and caused an entire gang to attack a PRECINCT. You don’t keep her alive so they can attack it again?! This whole thing is a trap.

As we were escorted back towards our own cells (not to be locked up but a place to rest and recoup) we came across that pre-coag again. I don’t know if it was all the excitement but this man broke down and started screaming. He says Something in our possession -ill be the death of us all” and the captain told us to take artifact to Vasool, a Loxodon Sagittar of the Selesnya Conclave – only he would know how to destroy it.

Why cant we just get a sane, normal job?

-F E LIX

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Guardian Project Research Log F E LIX Page 6
Session 6

Session 6

This log was (re)written in Common, Elvish, Goblin, Vedalken. Each language on the back of separate case files, oddly the back of each case file has completely different handwriting styles and each case file is currently active and ongoing.

Date
In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the police, who investigate crime; and the district attorneys, who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories.

I’m pretty certain everyone is just making this stuff up as were going on. I broke out of the jail cell again and got arrested again. This time it was because I was hiding in the bathroom. I told him I was in cell 5 and he put me in with the rest of the boys. I asked them what they wanted to do they asked me to get the keys. I popped back out into the hallway and a floating key was walking around opening doors. I’m going to assume that was Glob, but mission accomplished – I did not fail the key job.

So I was wandering around and noticed that the guards had RUNNOFT, It probably had something to do with the fact that fighting sounds are getting much much louder. Originally cell 1 was empty, but then it had Glob and myself, cell two had the Elephant guy and a Goblin, cell three had a Mob boss and his three lackeys. We never really saw what was in cell four considering the idiot guard had a tug of war with that cell door, but the invisible floating key thing opened that door anyways. Cell Five had the boys and the creepy druid/shaman/plant elf who threatened to eat us, and another goblin that Azzinax seemed to know. The Creepy elf is named Nyrvolas, and she’s apparently a terrorist, I wanted to ask what constitutes a terrorist, like does blowing up a lab means you’re a terrorist? Because if so our goblins are definitely terrorists as that was the whole reason we got into this mess.

So I went through our stuff, I put on my armor and noticed that Azzinaxs table wasn’t with our stuff, I was going to make a fake one but never got around to it before the others showed up. I helped Be’ka put her armor back on and then we went the opposite way that we went in, I overheard a bunch of talking and yell and it sounded like a second fight was starting so we went in that direction. One of the weird pre-cogs were there with that law bringer lady I fought when we first broke out. The pre-cog said that she could stop them there if she could hold them and the law bringer ran off. We asked a bunch of questions of the pre-cog and the gist of it was this, we may or may not get the Felicity toxicity and if we do it’s going to fall into our hands, the second thing was that we really had two choices, both of them resulted in us escaping, but one of them was helping hold off the gruul, or don’t help and the world gets much much darker. Glob ran off, we think, he was still invisible, the rest of the group went another way and I stood there conflicted. I broke into one of the desks and stole a set of keys and the case files I’m writing these on.

I decided to go the opposite way and help out Glob, I ran down the hallways through the mess hall and armory and found a bunch of guards fighting a bunch of Gruul. I jumped in and started hacking away at the Gruul Berserkers, but I was tired and blew all my real tricks in the last fight against the Azorius. We are really sending mixed signals. After the fight all the Gruul were dead. The idiot guard asked me again how I got out of my cell, and again I told him I went thru the door. I go thru the door every single time why does not believe me?!?

the Azorius are stupid.

I left, and despite him threatening to hang me I wandered back and explored some other places I hadn’t been too, I found a chalkboard and wrote a bunch of gibberish onto it, F E LIX was here, and something in goblin to rile them up after. However, the Azorius had kinda barricaded everything already so there was a bunch of dead ends. I wandered back to the group who had apparently found everything they needed to. So we ended up negotiating I think, to walk out here with our records expunged. It’ll be interesting to see if they let us walk out with everything we’ve picked up since we’ve been here, but I don’t think they will be in a position to complain about that if we do. Ah well. I’m sitting here, reading these case files, drawing on the back of the file folder on the off chance that we fail and I end up taking a dirt nap.

If I die, don’t let the goblins get any of my stuff.

-F E LIX

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Guardian Project Research Log F E LIX Page 5
Session 5

Session 5

This log was (re)written in Common, Elvish, Goblin, Vedalken. Each language in separate pieces of toilet paper, oddly each piece of toilet paper has completely different handwriting styles.

Date
I’m In Danger.

I should have known that when Kavek insisted that I carry the box over the goblins that this day wasn’t going to go well at all for me. Did they not see what the box did to the other two people who came into contact with it? Wouldn’t they want a goblin host super monster rather than another human host super monster? This is not practical at all.

It wouldn’t have been my fault at all if I killed them all, it would have been Kaveks, just wanted to note that. The whole time I was carrying the box the damned thing was trying to get me to touch it. Something something attune with it. Like I couldn’t figure out what was going on. As soon as I put the box down I could feel the feeling lessening, the feeling that hinted at words that whispered and tugged at the back of my mind was nearly gone. Plus I got a voice in there already that’s SUPER paranoid and depressing, it never had a chance.

The damned thing never even promised that I would be different and survive. Didn’t offer me any power or anything, just wanted me to touch it. The Bad Touch.

It didn’t really matter anyway because as soon as we exited the underground tunnel the Azorius were waiting, those losers brought like 30 people. They clearly never once got an accurate description of how we fight. 30 people. 24 too many. I almost jumped back into the hole but I didn’t entirely trust the Golgari to welcome me and my box with open arms. The stupid Azores kept bumping into me, and I had the box, so I kept moving the box around trying to avoid the Azorius while also not touching the thing in the box*. I was panicking about accidentally getting hit and also being arrested, so my Echo kept popping into existence, I don’t remember trying to bring it out but I must have. We ended up getting arrested for Creating a Disturbance, carrying a dangerous magical relic and violence. What bunch of trumped-up charges. Also, none of that stuff was any of my fault even if I did do it, I’m not sure the logic behind charging people for not leaving a ‘dangerous magical relic’ with the Golgari.

We got escorted to our cells, but the Mighty Glob wasn’t anywhere to been seen, I’m not sure when he disappeared but he took off in the commotion of the arrest and wasn’t in the cell with us. There was however another goblin in the cell and this really ugly and gross elf. I’ve read enough crime stories to know that the elf was a trap and was secretly undercover in an attempt to get us to confess so I warned everyone. Don’t talk to the elf! I then looked around the cell and decided I also wanted to take a look outside of it, so I peeked through the lookout slot, peeked through the keyhole and checked under the door for footsteps, after determining that the guards weren’t watching the doors at all I popped my echo out onto the other side of the door and then switched places with it.

I uh… didn’t really have a plan. I didn’t think it would work. Like I literally thought I wasn’t going to be able to get out. It was kinda awesome, even tho I had no clue what to do then. So I wandered around, checked inside doors, and then the guards saw me again and arrested me for a second time. They asked me how I got out and I told them I went threw the door. They didn’t believe me. They tossed me back into the same cell. A weird thing happened there were some really loud bangs, like three of them, so I left the cell again to investigate, this time I went the other direction since that one way just got me arrested. The other way was just the bathroom tho – its where I found all this writing material.

When I left the bathroom and shower area I saw the guards again, one was trying to pull close cell door number 4, the other was locking the door on cell number 3. a Minotaur and a lady were standing at the top of the stairs near the door to the exit, the Minotaur walked into cell number 2 and then somehow the door was locked behind him, the woman charged and tackled someone at the door. I figured something weird was going on like a jailbreak and I walked up to the guard holding the cell door closed. I drew his short sword out of his own scabbard and the guard who locked cell door number 3 pointed his sword at me and threatened to hang me. I then pointed the short-sword at the neck of the guard holding door number 4 closed and told him exactly what he told me, put down the sword or he’ll be hanged. I think it confused him, it confused me. We just stood there staring at each other for a while. I popped my echo into existence behind him and then had it point its sword at the woman who tackled what ended up being The Mighty Glob. Everyone kinda stared at each other and then a few more people came out of cell number 5. Kavek attacked another guard and Glob attacked the woman, I switched my spots with my echo and then attacked both the Woman and the guard. We knocked out one guard and started to mess around with the woman and the other one (which was knocked prone) when several other guards showed up. The Woman had surrendered just before reinforcements arrived. I still count that as a win.

But uh…. Worst jailbreak ever. The other prisoners didn’t even help! What crap is this? Every story I ever heard of as soon as a jailbreak happens every single prisoner riots. So that pretty much failed, the story of my life.

So I’m currently in cell number 1 with Glob, who’s disappeared a couple of times already. I feel like we’re not getting paid for this job. Also, I’m probably going to be hanged, which I don’t think is going to be as terrible as it should be, in theory, I think my mutation will prevent my neck from snapping. I thought that the floating fall thing I can do was super embarrassing like all I got out of the guardian project was the ability to not commit suicide by jumping out a window or off the roof – but since it doesn’t seem to be my only ability I gained and it’ll help me survive this Hanging thing I got myself into. I might have just had my first lucky break.

Well, they are still trying to kill me. But who knows, maybe it’ll fail and ill be stuck suffering threw all these failed jobs with this group again…. Maybe I should ask them to put weights on my feet.

-F E LIX

*Couldn’t tell if the Felicity Fandango was trying to get people to bump into me or not.

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Guardian Project Research Log F E LIX Page 4
Session 4

Session 4

This log was (re)written in Common, Elvish, Goblin, Vedalken. Each language in separate books, oddly each book has completely different handwriting styles.

Date
Strap In, this is going to get weird.

Kavek had the ‘great’ idea that since the majority of the information that we gleaned the other day was vocalized, we can just use that information to access the secret passage and steal the Flamethrower from the personal vault of Bellov. I didn’t want to go, but since we still had work to do on other stuff (that I also didn’t want to do) I went with what the rest of the group decided. So we all went to a tavern and got a room, then snuck out of the room at night and went to the library. The Library was a bit of a mess. We found the book easily but the secret passageway was an issue. I was asked to watch one end of the aisle for people coming. I sat on my upright shield and pulled out a book and started to flip pages. Of course, I had the fantastic luck of being chosen. This woman named Karen with a super high pitched voice tried to enter the isle. I leaned back a bit on my shield and fell straight on my ass. I apologized to the woman but she wasn’t having any of it – she demanded that I get out of her way or she was going to talk to a manager but wouldn’t even offer to help me up. I got out of her way, I didn’t want to get blamed for something I wasn’t even doing and I think I had bought enough time anyways. Karen still threatened to go get a Manager so Kavek told everyone to split and come back in a half an hour. I started to wander the library and I guess I lost track of time or something because I almost didn’t make it back in time. It was really really close. Either way with Karen no longer in the aisle we took the pages (physical pages I kept those) from gardening heals and climbed into the secret passageway in the bookcase. The goblins used the code from Kavek and opened the passage and we removed what was in the mini room to look at later. There was no flamethrower nor the personal vault of Bellov. Looked like a storage place for information about the flamethrower. We cracked the four scrolls open back in the room and Azzinax kept the table that was holding them, the first scroll was a how-to guide on using the scorchbreaker, the second scroll was a bunch of weird numbers in a specific order. The third was a map layout of some sort of Orzoff building and the fourth was 12 individual debt lists, one of them had the same last name as the Boros. She kinda didn’t take it well when I told her, I think she got mad. It was super awkward.

That one was kinda my fault.

I think I may give the debt sheets, the pages from the book that I tore off that had the ruins to the simic. I’m thinking I may try to figure out who in the simic would have knowledge about the workings of the scorchbreaker thingy..

We then decided to follow a lead to find this guy name Paron who was hiding in some Gaglari swarm holdout in the underworld. He was in this place called Broburg and a visitor had come to visit him, the Gaglari swarm said it wore black and white and had entered two days ago and had not come back out. They had posted guards at the door, I told them the safeword for us to come back out was Pineapples.

Inside was different…. The Felicity thingamabob… should probably have been named Felicity make-ugly-gross-tentacle-blob thing… like where is the pleasure and pain and all that stuff Ophillya wanted? This thing was a straight-up monstrosity. And the worst part? The absolute worst part! THERE WAS A SECOND ME.

My heart was racing like a rabbit and my vision was completely focused on the tentacle blob when a pulling motion from deep in my chest happened, I could feel the pull from somewhere outside of my body and then at the bottom of my vision about 15 feet away was another me staring at the tentacle blob thing. He was grey, kinda translucent but completely looked like me.

I threw up.

I knew he was me, or mine? Or came from me. Part of me? Ugh I don’t understand. Is this a side effect? A mutation? Nobody else has a second them running around charging a tentacle blob thingy. Kavek took another dirt nap, I think he’s up to 4 or 5 now. Other me and I attacked the blob guy along with the boros who also took a dirt nap, I was hacking away at his gross smelly/slightly moldy flesh when an overpowering presence pushed itself into my head and held me down – I couldn’t do anything. Then the blob thing was dead and Glob tried to pick up the Felicity smelly-monster maker device because its worth so much to Ophilya. Glob used a mage hand to pick it up, the felicity tentacle thing shot him across the room. After that, we kind of made a box and put the magical item in there. It apparently doesn’t mind inanimate objects. We got so beat up in that fight that we ended up spending the night in a separate abandoned building.

I did some experiments that night in a separate room, I can pull the other me out at any time. It moves around to where I want it, it doesn’t even care about up or down, it can go 30 to 40 feet straight up into the air, its all kinda creepy. In the fight with the Paron blob I could push my arm and head threw the other me – its a weird feeling, I have to go inside me too my chest area and then I can feel the other me off wherever that one is, I can then pull my arm and head threw the other guy. The great thing is whatever I’m holding comes with me, so I was able to whack the Paron tentacle thing repeatedly from behind. It was working right up till a tentacle whacked the other me. It crashed into the other me and it disappeared in a puff. I could feel it, it was a weird feeling, there was another me, then a bit of discomfort and then no more me. I screamed.

I managed to scrounge up enough feeling a bit later to try to pull him back into existence, but it did spur some future study. The fake me can’t interact with anything, and while he’s hard to hit (he can bob and weave and has a fake shield) - he doesn’t have to much substance. The other thing I managed to do… and it took me a long time to marshal up the courage and a ton of trial and error…. I can push through more then just an arm and a head, if I push and pull hard enough I can switch spots with the other me. As more of my body goes to where he is my spot turns more gray and translucent. It’s trippy.

Also extremely mind-blowingly scary. What the fuck is going on with me. Is this what I signed up for? I thought the ability to see in the dark and the floating/fall thing was going to the extent of my mutations… but this… this is something else… this is scary… is this what killed the other test subjects??

is it going to kill me?

-F E LIX

*names and places might not be accurate due to actually never meeting any of these places or things and slightly panicking

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Guardian Project Research Log F E LIX Page 3
Session 3

Session 3

This log was (re)written in Common, Elvish, Goblin, Vedalken. Each language in separate books, oddly each book has completely different handwriting styles.

Date
Why do people keep giving us jobs.

This Veshka person had a job for Azzinax since he was running around with a group. This job sadly was a bit more difficult then the last one, although I am feeling a bit better about our chances – outside of one disastrous fight with a machine and I guess one with a bush? Does it count if its enchanted? We got a list of three people and handed a vial that doesn’t discretely steal thoughts. There was a lady centaur named Argona who had loaned a book from a library, we found during the mission that the book had some pages on it that in candle light revealed some hidden runes. We also got that information in the memory vial. The Second person was Delrim Munn, a male scientist from the prism university that discovered some secret passageway or something? When we were let into his lab he was about to start an experiment – it went sideways fast and started to shoot out lightning, things started to disappear and it would pulse out lightning. We had to shut it down but it beat the crap out of us.

Were not having much luck with labs.

On the way to the third person the Boros stopped to help a very loud overturned cart. It was extremely boring situation, right up until someone tried to pick pocket Kavek. Azzinax hit him with fire and then we dummied him. I took his boots to annoy him and then all his weapons so he couldn’t jump anyone on his way back. We moved on and eventually found this Harringbone, an elf fence in rich clothing hanging out or hiding out in a slum with two dudes with two boars. The Boros interrogated him and we tried to siphon the thoughts but it started a fight, poor Kavek took another dirt nap and the goblins did some weird magic thing where everyone else took dirt naps. I managed to dummie Harringbone and the other guys managed to heal Kavek and kill one of the boars. We brought the boar and Harringbone to a safer location and interrogated him. We knocked him out for a second time and I stole his weapons, boots and the feather from his obnoxiously large hat – again just to annoy him. He told us the exact location of the flamethrower they were looking for. All the information was given to that Veshka person. Veckna? I cant remember. We all got paid 100 gold! Way better then the 50 gold that was promised.

We didn’t do shit about the Falicity transkerbian. So that jobs going well.

I swiped some research notes that I plan to give a quick read to and then give it to the Simic*. I also sold some equipment iv been holding onto for some studded leather, I should look and see how much magic items are going to cost me, people keep throwing money at me and I’m not entirely sure why. The ease at which they do it and the amounts that they give me make me believe we may be shortchanging ourselves on these jobs. Its not like I wanna do them anyways but I’m concerned about being taken advantage of, these guys aren’t even guild member’s.

-F E LIX

*unless the research notes are gibberish or stupid, I don’t want to be blamed for wasting there time on junk mail.

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Guardian Project Research Log F E LIX Page 1 and 2
Session 1 & 2

This log was (re)written in Common, Elvish, Goblin, Vedalken. Each language in separate books, oddly each book has completely different handwriting styles.

Date
If you have recovered this and I am dead – or not even dead and just failed or arrested, it wasn’t my fault, all this tomfoolery was started by the Goblins Glob and Azzinax.

I was killing time on one of my daily walks, till my next shift, the next meal or rack time. I can’t remember what I was waiting for, but it didn’t really matter, the Zonot didn’t need me and they told me I was getting in the way. I was walking when the explosion happened, and that’s when the bane of everyone’s existence crawled out of a smoking Izzet research center hole. ugh, Goblins. Goblins that involve you in things. The worst kind of Goblins.

The damage to the Research Center was probably an accident, considering they helped mop up all the lab rats they set loose. What kinda madness is that? It’s embarrassing and we nearly died!

Things shouldn’t explode when they die its too efficient, exploding to die is fine, but an explosion due to your life-force expiring is borderline cheating. It would be a good mutation, although useless for an army, a chain reaction of guardians exploding once a single one of them dies near another – Ugh what a depressing thought*. We got paid 10 gold to return their lab experiment, the damn thing took off, and entered into the Palace of Pleasures Pain? Pains Pleasures? Pain and Pleasure?

Either way the building walked off. We’re completely over our heads. The two goblins who started this mess, the Boros Becka who responded to the explosion and a Simic Scientist named Kaver all ended up trying to track down the moving building that somehow managed to let in our escaped Izzet Lab rat. When we reached it all hell broke loose, weirdly enough after the two goblins paid to go in†. The Boros made a scene, the guards were being huge jerks. Why do people have to pay to go into an establishment to then not use said establishments services, who pays to talk to a manager just to have that manager then give you a job and not return any of the money you paid to get in? Ugh, what a shitty job. Ophiyira‡ told us about a device that was in her office that was stolen. She thinks it was the Dimir. What they could possibly want with a magical device nobody can attune to is beyond me, but I just don’t understand why someone like Ophiyira that has her own guards and agents would give the recovery job against another guild to a random ‘gang’ consisting of 4 different guilds that have two goblins.

I stole 8 gold from the idiot guards. The Boros was making such a huge racket about not being let in that they didn’t notice. they were being jerks! its not my fault. plus their business model was extortion, I gave the money back kinda, Ophiyira wanted 10 gold for the lab experiment, so it really only cost me 2 gold to get it… well, two gold of that eight was the goblins but I wasn’t going to tell them that. or anyone that really. uhhh this above passage is not an admission of guilt of a crime… Its a story I’m working on to tell the boys so I can fit in!

I digress. Were probably being set up and/or killed. Set up to be killed? Yes that’s probably it. I’m going to get killed or blamed for the Facility Transkillian, or whatever the damned thing is (that was probably stolen in the first place). This thing is already causing me pain. is it too late to leave? we didn’t do anything during the first job…. what are the chances we get paid 20 platinum for this job and have to do nothing again? whos luck am I using up? is it the Boros or the Simic? the Goblins definitely do not seem lucky they got jumped by a Street Gang… or was that a setup? they were also goblins…. did one of them get hurt? I can’t remember§ I wasn’t paying attention!

I need to get back in touch with the Zonot, they are probably wondering why I’m not around to clean up after the experiments and I didn’t tell anyone where I was going, they need to know I didn’t desert.

whatever is next, I won’t enjoy it.

-F E LIX

*don’t make this recommendation to the scientists, they will probably laugh.
† ask if the Lab experiment paid to get in.
‡ that deserter is scary, is she a spy? Its hard to tell. She doesn’t seem like one.
§ ask the Simic, discretely….. on the down low…. incognitooo… don’t let anyone on…

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Welcome to your campaign!
A blog for your campaign

Wondering how to get started? Here are a few tips:

1. Invite your players

Invite them with either their email address or their Obsidian Portal username.

2. Edit your home page

Make a few changes to the home page and give people an idea of what your campaign is about. That will let people know you’re serious and not just playing with the system.

3. Set the Campaign’s game system

Let people know what game system your campaign is using, and give your players access to any system-appropriate character sheet templates that have been made. You can use them for NPCs too!

4. Choose a theme

If you want to set a specific mood for your campaign, we have several backgrounds to choose from. Accentuate it by creating a top banner image.

5. Create some NPCs

Characters form the core of every campaign, so take a few minutes to list out the major NPCs in your campaign.

A quick tip: The “+” icon in the top right of every section is how to add a new item, whether it’s a new character or adventure log post, or anything else.

6. Write your first Adventure Log post

The adventure log is where you list the sessions and adventures your party has been on, but for now, we suggest doing a very light “story so far” post. Just give a brief overview of what the party has done up to this point. After each future session, create a new post detailing that night’s adventures.

One final tip: Don’t stress about making your Obsidian Portal campaign look perfect. Instead, just make it work for you and your group. If everyone is having fun, then you’re using Obsidian Portal exactly as it was designed, even if your adventure log isn’t always up to date or your characters don’t all have portrait pictures.

That’s it! The rest is up to you and your players.

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