This log was (re)written in Common, Elvish, Goblin, Vedalken. Each language in separate pieces of toilet paper, oddly each piece of toilet paper has completely different handwriting styles.
I’m In Danger.
I should have known that when Kavek insisted that I carry the box over the goblins that this day wasn’t going to go well at all for me. Did they not see what the box did to the other two people who came into contact with it? Wouldn’t they want a goblin host super monster rather than another human host super monster? This is not practical at all.
It wouldn’t have been my fault at all if I killed them all, it would have been Kaveks, just wanted to note that. The whole time I was carrying the box the damned thing was trying to get me to touch it. Something something attune with it. Like I couldn’t figure out what was going on. As soon as I put the box down I could feel the feeling lessening, the feeling that hinted at words that whispered and tugged at the back of my mind was nearly gone. Plus I got a voice in there already that’s SUPER paranoid and depressing, it never had a chance.
The damned thing never even promised that I would be different and survive. Didn’t offer me any power or anything, just wanted me to touch it. The Bad Touch.
It didn’t really matter anyway because as soon as we exited the underground tunnel the Azorius were waiting, those losers brought like 30 people. They clearly never once got an accurate description of how we fight. 30 people. 24 too many. I almost jumped back into the hole but I didn’t entirely trust the Golgari to welcome me and my box with open arms. The stupid Azores kept bumping into me, and I had the box, so I kept moving the box around trying to avoid the Azorius while also not touching the thing in the box*. I was panicking about accidentally getting hit and also being arrested, so my Echo kept popping into existence, I don’t remember trying to bring it out but I must have. We ended up getting arrested for Creating a Disturbance, carrying a dangerous magical relic and violence. What bunch of trumped-up charges. Also, none of that stuff was any of my fault even if I did do it, I’m not sure the logic behind charging people for not leaving a ‘dangerous magical relic’ with the Golgari.
We got escorted to our cells, but the Mighty Glob wasn’t anywhere to been seen, I’m not sure when he disappeared but he took off in the commotion of the arrest and wasn’t in the cell with us. There was however another goblin in the cell and this really ugly and gross elf. I’ve read enough crime stories to know that the elf was a trap and was secretly undercover in an attempt to get us to confess so I warned everyone. Don’t talk to the elf! I then looked around the cell and decided I also wanted to take a look outside of it, so I peeked through the lookout slot, peeked through the keyhole and checked under the door for footsteps, after determining that the guards weren’t watching the doors at all I popped my echo out onto the other side of the door and then switched places with it.
I uh… didn’t really have a plan. I didn’t think it would work. Like I literally thought I wasn’t going to be able to get out. It was kinda awesome, even tho I had no clue what to do then. So I wandered around, checked inside doors, and then the guards saw me again and arrested me for a second time. They asked me how I got out and I told them I went threw the door. They didn’t believe me. They tossed me back into the same cell. A weird thing happened there were some really loud bangs, like three of them, so I left the cell again to investigate, this time I went the other direction since that one way just got me arrested. The other way was just the bathroom tho – its where I found all this writing material.
When I left the bathroom and shower area I saw the guards again, one was trying to pull close cell door number 4, the other was locking the door on cell number 3. a Minotaur and a lady were standing at the top of the stairs near the door to the exit, the Minotaur walked into cell number 2 and then somehow the door was locked behind him, the woman charged and tackled someone at the door. I figured something weird was going on like a jailbreak and I walked up to the guard holding the cell door closed. I drew his short sword out of his own scabbard and the guard who locked cell door number 3 pointed his sword at me and threatened to hang me. I then pointed the short-sword at the neck of the guard holding door number 4 closed and told him exactly what he told me, put down the sword or he’ll be hanged. I think it confused him, it confused me. We just stood there staring at each other for a while. I popped my echo into existence behind him and then had it point its sword at the woman who tackled what ended up being The Mighty Glob. Everyone kinda stared at each other and then a few more people came out of cell number 5. Kavek attacked another guard and Glob attacked the woman, I switched my spots with my echo and then attacked both the Woman and the guard. We knocked out one guard and started to mess around with the woman and the other one (which was knocked prone) when several other guards showed up. The Woman had surrendered just before reinforcements arrived. I still count that as a win.
But uh…. Worst jailbreak ever. The other prisoners didn’t even help! What crap is this? Every story I ever heard of as soon as a jailbreak happens every single prisoner riots. So that pretty much failed, the story of my life.
So I’m currently in cell number 1 with Glob, who’s disappeared a couple of times already. I feel like we’re not getting paid for this job. Also, I’m probably going to be hanged, which I don’t think is going to be as terrible as it should be, in theory, I think my mutation will prevent my neck from snapping. I thought that the floating fall thing I can do was super embarrassing like all I got out of the guardian project was the ability to not commit suicide by jumping out a window or off the roof – but since it doesn’t seem to be my only ability I gained and it’ll help me survive this Hanging thing I got myself into. I might have just had my first lucky break.
Well, they are still trying to kill me. But who knows, maybe it’ll fail and ill be stuck suffering threw all these failed jobs with this group again…. Maybe I should ask them to put weights on my feet.
-F E LIX
*Couldn’t tell if the Felicity Fandango was trying to get people to bump into me or not.